STUPIDITY FROM CANADIAN PARKS
Sent to me by Jody Culham, who worked at Banff, with additions from
her friend Becky.
As Jody says:
"Gorby" is a somewhat derogatory, somewhat playful term used by
Banff "locals" to refer to the tourists. Gorbies are the ones
with "BANFF" sweatshirts, baseball caps with bear heads, $20 of
fudge in their hands, whining that "things just aren't the same as
home" (that's the point of travelling, isn't it?!) while standing
aimlessly in the middle of a busy sidewalk wondering whether to
buy Aunt Mildred the Canadian flag made in Taiwan or the Mountie
t-shirt. My friend Becky and I have also coined a term for
insipid tourist brochures: "gorbylit".
Gorbies existed long before Gorbachev. In fact, gorbies have been
around forever and I'm surprised the archaelogists haven't
unearthed any petrified t-shirts saying "I (heart) Olduvai Gorge".
The Buffalo Paddock used to be a bar where we would hang out on
rainy days, drinking various liquor-filled beverages.
- "Why is Lake Louise so blue?"
(and the answer that
reportedly got a Chateau Lake Louise employee fired: "Because
every year they drain it and paint the bottom.")
- "Where do they put the mountains at night?"
- (referring to the meadows and ski runs on Mount Norquay)
"Don't you feel sorry for the guy who has to mow all that
- (In July) "Where can I rent a snowmobile?" (my co-worker
Susan gave him bogus directions to nowhere)
- "Where can I buy a Hudson's Bay blanket?" (Gee, have you
tried the Hudson's Bay store?)
- (refering to Japanese tourists) "Why are all the Eskimos
in civilian clothing?"
- Conversation in Freya's Currency Exchange:
Gorby: I would like to convert all my Canadian currency to
Clerk: You're going to England?
Gorby: No, Vancouver.
Gorby: In British Columbia.
- Is there anything to do when it rains?
- Why does the water in the hot springs on Sulphur Mountain
smell like sulphur?
- Is there a cave at the Cave and Basin?
- Gorby- where's the buffalo paddock?
Resident- The paddock or the Paddock?
Gorby- Huh? You know, the buffalo paddock?
Resident- There are two of them. The buffalo paddock or the
Resident (relenting)- Do you want to have a drink or see
Resident- Oh, for...DO YOU WANT TO HAVE AN ALCOHOLIC
BEVERAGE, OR DO YOU WANT TO DRIVE AROUND IN YOUR HOT
STUFFY CAR TRYING TO FIND ELUSIVE LARGE BOVINE
Gorby (to his/her spouse)- Let's go ask at the information
centre. Where's the information centre?